JOURNEYING WITH YOUTH
By Vanessa Wadih, Head of Counselling, St Aloysius’ College, Sydney
Over the Easter holidays, I had the privilege to attend the College Cadet Camp and Duke of Edinburgh experiences with several groups of students. When I reflect on these events, I find myself thinking about the growth that is evident in our young men when they undertake these experiences, the connections they make, and the conversations I am blessed to be a part of.
In these moments, I am reminded that they do love sharing with us, especially when we take time to listen and just be present with them.
I thought it would be helpful to reflect on how we can be present with our young men and nurture our connections with them. As a parent of three children, one still in adolescence, it is something that I continue to remind myself of: how to do I make time to be present and available.
Raising adolescent children can often be described as riding the waves and navigating unfamiliar terrain! As they seek more independence, we as parents can often feel shut out and not needed as we were when they were younger. One of the most powerful tools we can connect with in this period is our ability to be present and truly listen.
When we show our young men that we are actively listening and have a mindful presence with them, it highlights for them that they are valued, respected and that it is safe for them to express themselves and be authentic.
Active listening matters, building trust and connection, supports regulation of emotions and self-worth, models respectful and attentive relationships and encourages open and honest communication.
When thinking about how we create supportive environments that encourage communication, the following ideas might assist in this space:
- Be fully present: Put our phones away, remove distractions and give your full attention. Providing just ten minutes of distraction-free attention can make a huge difference to our level of connection.
- Listen without needing to fix: Easier said than done! Young people need to be heard. Instead of jumping in and being ready to advise, think about saying things like: “That sounds really tough. Do you want help thinking it through or would you just like to vent and share how you are feeling?”
- Validate how they feel: What might seem small to you in terms of worry is big to them. When we validate, that builds emotional safety.
- Ask open-ended questions: When we question in this way it invites deeper responses and curiosity.
- Respect autonomy: Our young men need space to develop their decision-making skills. Offer guidance, not control. Try and involve them in setting rules and making plans.
- Boundaries: Keep love at the centre when developing boundaries. Our young men need clear, kind boundaries. This provides security even if they push back. Stay calm, consistent and respectful.
When we are present, loving, provide a steady ship and are attentive, this gives them a foundation to grow from. We know that they are not always going to show it, but when they know we are really listening, this provides confidence, security and a strength to keep talking, increasing the chances that they will share with us when things are tough.
Banner image by Minhaj Mohammed, Unsplash.